I don’t mean this unkindly, but please, trust me on this:

When white people discuss racism, we all need to avoid beginning anything we say on this subject with the words “To me…”

It’s not about how it is to me. Or to you. And those of us who are whites simply need to accept that.

Look, I'm sure you are a perfectly decent person and make every effort to avoid saying or doing anything that is racist.

But the decision on what is and is not racist is not in the hands of you, or myself. It's in the hands of those who experience it.

Nobody is asking you, or I, to be free to all imperfections. The big three things is that

1) We need to listen to what people of color are telling us.

2) We need to learn from it.

3) We need to be changed by what we learn.

And the best part is, no white person who does those three things is going to lose anything-or, at least, lose anything we actually need.